Tuesday, December 27, 2005

all about AIDS

Author's note:

Muahahaha... no one can do this better than the sarcastic Michael Ooi himself. I thought I should include this entry to here since the government was talking about implementing sex education in school. What about the public then? They need some sort of information too in my opinion. Perhaps what Michael suggested would help.

posting origin at http://www.michaelooi.net/archives/2005/09/all_about_aids.html

There has been some sort of awareness campaign at my workplace about AIDS. Each time I passes by our employee entrance, I'd see that bunch of posters on display at the corridor. Lots of them ... complete with graphics and all that. I must have walked past those heaps of posters for at least a few dozen times, but I never actually took a glance at it. I just knew that it's about AIDS (from the red ribbon).

Yesterday, while waiting for my colleagues during lunchhour, I sauntered over to the bunch of displays and took some time to read those stuffs up (instead of ogling at girls). Well, to my surprise, it's actually kinda cool. I figured out those posters are actually in Bee Em ! Bahasa Melayu !

And I was baffled at the ke-canggih-ness of the Bee Em on those posters. The messages, they're so professionally written. But then after studying it for a while, I began to wonder. These messages ... who are the intended audiences ? Well generally, to the public ... of course. But those that are exposed to the risks of AIDS, are mostly people who adopts whoring as their favourite past time... gay dudes who gets impaled frequently by schlongs... drug addicts ... basically, those who's not very bright academically.

If you get my drift, you would have realized that mostly these people, they're in no position to understand the messages on these posters at all. Words like "zakar", "sel" or perhaps "keimunan" - they're simply too complex for them to understand. Like, how could you expect primary school dropouts & uneducated junkies to understand such canggih words ? What's a "faraj" ? I have a friend named Fardan ler... could Faraj be his brother ? So on.

They'll probably go through a couple of lines, then walk the fuck off. That means, those awareness campaign posters would be good for nothing.

So ..that prompted me to ask... what could be a more effective way to convey these informative messages to those that in need of the knowledge ? The answer is - Bahasa Pasar. Colloquial language and slangs. The junkies and ass fuckers knew it like the back of their hands. That's their spoken language and primary form of communication. Like... what could be better than to communicate with them in their own language ?

I was thinking, if the government could hand out free condoms and needles for these people ... why can't they print posters with Bahasa Pasar messages to suit their needs ? Here's an example how it could have been done ...


Woi ! Pukimak lu orang ! Tau ka apa tu AIDS ?? Tak tau kalu... dengar. Sudah tau kalu, main jauh-jauh... GEDEBUSHHHH

Ni AIDS ... bukan nama awek. Tapi sejenis penyakit cilakak tarak ubat mia. Dia masuk sama lu punya badan, kasi itu power lingkup... and bikin lu mia badan tarak defend. Tarak defend kalu ... maknanya ... kamu kena apa-apa pukimak mia sakit, pun tak boleh sembuh lar tu.

Since ini AIDS tarak ubat, apa yang you orang boleh bikin, ialah control you punya kelakuan ler... Kata orang, ini penyakit moral... So kat sini, nak bagi kau orang tau sikit, apa macam ini AIDS merebak. Penyakit kaliampun ni, merebak melalui 3 cara:

1) Kongkek tarak betuih
AIDS boleh merebak melalui itu cheebye mia kuah ... masuk sama lu mia luncheow. Kalau you tak pasti sama you mia markah bersih ka tarak, lebih baik jangan syiok-syiok kongkek. Itu ayam-ayam, bohsia-bohsia, binatang-binatang, jembalang-jembalang ataupun you mia pondan mia markah... lebih baik jangan kacau. Kalau tak leh tahan, kongkek guna kondom. Kalau tarak kondom... guna beg plastik hitam tong sampah ... ataupun guna belon pun boleh gak. Tapi kalau yang itu pun tarak, lebih baik suruh you mia partner hisap... ataupun goncang sendiri dalam tandas ... (ingat, jangan hisap dekat Singapura !)

2)Darah transfer
Itu darah transfer pun boleh kena AIDS. Tarak peduli sama ada you mia makwe gigit kotek you luka dan sembur darah masuk ke ... atau pun you kongsi cucuk jarum sama itu hisap dadah mia orang ke ... semua pun boleh kena. Kalau you cucuk jarum dadah, you mesti mau ingat guna itu baru punya jarum. (adalah lebih baik jangan hisap dadah...). Kalau makwe cuba nak gigit, terajang & sepak sama dia sampai gigi patah.

3) Bini bunting, anak kena
Haa.. bila you keluar kongkek sama ayam, balik rumah kongkek bini ... bini bunting... lu mia anak pun akan kena jugak (bini pun kena sekali... jahanam keluarga). You sama bini bungkus cukuplah, tapi apasai mau kasi you mia anak susah ? Ni kera pun tak bikin ini macam sama dia mia family. Kalau sudah kongkek sama ayam, adalah lebih baik kamu pegi check sama you mia doktor sebelum kongkek - sama ada you kena AIDS ke tidak. Ataupun, you boleh guna itu bukak durian mia pisau... dan penggal kepala hotak hang (niiii gerenti bini tak kena).

tapi, engkorang semua toksah panik... AIDS ni, tidak merebak melalui air liur. You boleh cium/jilat sama you mia bini ataupun makwe, it's ok. AIDS juga tidak boleh merebak melalui sentuhan. Maknanya, you boleh raba sama apa-apa makhluk yang kamu stim, steady mia... (tapi mesti ingat, kena tanya dulu, takut masuk lokap). Dan akhir sekali, AIDS juga tidak boleh rebak melalui you mia air kencing ataupun taik. You boleh bau atau main sama depa ... gerenti selamat.



I guess I wasn't that good in my Bahasa Pasar either. Perhaps someone can come up with an even more awesome version of it. But hey, what the fuck, as long as the message gets across. It's all for the good of the people (now you know, this site is not ALL EVIL...)

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