Thursday, October 27, 2005

I caused a petrol kiosk to shut down

But I did not did that on purpose, and it just lasted for near 1 hour okay.

Its weird, let the pump on, went into the shop's ATM to get some cash, came out, in great shock to find the petrol overflowed!!!

So so so much of petrol flowing out from the tank while the pump is still inside. Reminds me of the pipe burst when Water Department not doing their job good enough.

Anyway, I ran to the cashier shouting to her what happened. She panicked.

Guess what she did??? She hit the emergency button, there goes the electricity.

So, I waited there, the staffs just waited here, and there are few person reluctant to leave despite knowing they can't get any petrol temporarily. They just stand there, reading newspaper there without paying. Hahaha...

Fortunately, a electrician that wanted to pump petrol came to the rescue. He helped them to turn on the electricity. Then the boss of the kiosk came too. He made the staffs return the total amount I paid for my petrol. In a way, it means that I get this time petrol for free!!!

Well, in a way. Because after all I've spent my 1 hour there doing nothing.

How sweet of her, when I left she actually told me "Please feel free to come again"

*roll eyes*

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Where does my love goes wrong??

Where does my love goes wrong???
Let Dana guide you out from this relationship deadlock.

Are you recently out from a relationship? Are you wondering why all the guys you meet suck a big time?? Did your relationship give you pain endlessly without knowing why?

Many time in our life, when our relationship goes wrong, we will first ask "Where does my love goes wrong???" "Why doesn't thing work out like I have planned, despite how much efforts I put into this relationship?" "How come he has become such a jerk, even though things has been great at the beginning?"

I, recently, has an enlightenment on this. Some of you might know how upset I once was, due to a disasterous previous relationship. For now, I feel that I have achieve somewhat peaceful inner self. Because of how great this feel, I will tell you how you can get yourself out from this no end moaning base on my experience.



1. Do you want this relationship?

Girls like me, always wanting to give out so much to our man. When our relationship went sour, the first thing we ask is that "Why doesn't he want anymore of our perfect relationship? I mean, this was like so right, and we were meant for each other!"

No no no, you should stop yourself from asking that from now on. Because, it is time for you to re-think the situation for yourself. Do you still want a part of this relationship? After what had happened, do you still think this relationship is suitable for you?



2. Why is he doing this to me, when he says he love me so much?

So what even if he promise you the moon??? I mean, no one doubt his sincerity when he say he will love you for the rest of his life, AT that particular moment of course. But things change you know, people changes too. Perhaps after what you have read here, your thoughts will change too. Cut the long story short, no one really know what happens tomorrow, we just flow with the tides and make the most out of it. People come, people go, and you just got to deal with it. That is just how life is!



3. How come he is such a jack ass???

Beware that when you are saying this to your friends. It can reflect you badly okay. When you are calling your man, or the ex with names, ever imagine why would people think about you. Of course they would be wondering, if he is such a stupid jerk, why would she be so stupid to spend her time and patience with someone so worthless at the first place??



4. I regret knowing him

But no one forced you to fall in love with him at the first place! Regret is a little late per se.

Next time, try something like "I have love before, and I treasure every special moments of it". After all, they say it is a priviledge that you have the chance to love and care for someone you adore so much. It is much stronger than those that never understand love, or have a chance to it.



5. I love him so much, but why why why is he doing this to me?

Love, and genuine love, expects no return of favor or any sort of things. Love can only be given, and cannot be demanded.

Chant that as a mantra to yourself.



6 Be Happy

Be happy, in my opinion, and to many others, it is basic right to everyone. Every people deserve to be happy in one way or another. If that person has been giving you so much pain, why would you still want to spend so much time thinking of his/her wrong doings to you? What, is that person a VIP that has right to your previous time? That is right, if he is such worthless, then lets spend less time on this worthless person that wasted your time before this. I myself don't understand, why if it is painful, people just keep on moaning over it and not do a thing???



7. Be Happy for That person too.

I mean, if you seriously love that person so much, it hurts you too knowing that bad things happen to him right? They say lah, revenge is sweet. However in reality it never work that way, it does feel hurtful if bad things happen to him.

The relationship ended, and I am sure he is not feeling at his best as well. If you keep on doing him bad things, even yourself won't be feeling happy too as you keep marinating yourself in this terrible past.

When it is time to let go, you have no choice. While doing that, at least you know that person you sincerely love is happier now, and will be great in whatever he wants to do. Isn't that for the best?



Conclusion

If you feel disappointed that your partner, ex has not been reciprocal with your giving out. The most likely you are in this relationship with a very wrong reason.

We get attracted to our partner by the way he look, he speaks, he sees things. Maybe in more deptness, our breath are taken away by his knowledge, his dreams, his passion. At any point of time, we are just attracted to his speciality. This is not genuine love at all. More like admiration?

If you find yourself alone again, and you feel very lonely. That is because you have not love yourself enough. Can you imagine, two beggars that has nothing to offer, but wanting more from each other? That would be a total disaster isn't it?



Love, a way of giving

A person that has enough of love him/her self exudes confident, happiness, and has a lot to offer for people. He/she find it perfectly alright to enjoy life alone. When a person has enough love for him/her self, then he/she will have more to give out for others. That then, will be the perfect time to be in a responsible, respectful and strong relationship.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Koizumi and His Shrine

You know, I went to Japan for a 5 weeks visit as a Youth Exchance student in 1998. Until now, I am still marvelled over such advance technology that the Japanese has. With that short period of visit, I find myself to be very lucky because I have very close ties with my Japanese host families even till now. I find them totally different from what I've thought of a Japanese. I can't seemed to related those terrible ones that once stomped on all chinese during world war 2.

But for know, it really ticked me to see Japan Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi continuosly paying homage to the WWII so called "Hero" at the shrine, again and again.

Did you know, the terrible Japanese emperor behind the WWII was never brought to court despite what he has done to millions of chinese throughout Asia region? US has decided to give him cover, because of the advantageous they could get, that they hope to protect upon. They had given him sanction base on the reason that it is better this way, so that Japan was easier to be controlled.

Did you also know, the Japanese had many times used innocent people in remote china for their sickening Lab Rat test? For biological and chemical warfare testing that cost a whole village vanish just over night? Then they quickly buried the bodies simply by blasting some rocks from the cliffs onto them?

Did you also know, there were many of my relatives that I eventually found out, were victims of this crazy manslaughter for no reason? They were called on one night to the riverside, and then in darkness being shoot down by machine guns for no reason at all!!!

The are just few of the examples, there were so many more bitter stories than any of the chinese that been through WWII can tell you. This is definately a bitter and shameful past that the chinese sufferred quietly all the while, especially Mainland China.

Call us youngster for not giving a shit to the old past, but for me as I grew older I do find what happened during WWII kinda hard to swallow. In fact, I actually feel guilty to be once idolizing the Japanese culture that much.

Perhaps I shall start my own very personal boycott against the Japanese product for sometime. And guess what, my dad has decided he too is doing his bit to boycott the Japanese by not buying the Toyota Camry he originally wanted.

Are you doing you bit too?

The Star 18th October 2005
Koizumi visits war shrine, China and South Korea protest
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/10/17/worldupdates/2005-10-17t111210z_01_nootr_rtrjonc_0_-219691-5&sec=worldupdates

Thursday, October 13, 2005

QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS

QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS

They call it the "QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling INSECURE and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get HOT and SCARED because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are SELFISH and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really COLD or CATTY or mean or insincere, but that they are as CONFUSED as you are. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the COMFORTS of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to UNDERSTAND yourself and what you want and do not want. Your OPINIONS have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain BOUNDARIES in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are INSECURE and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you cry and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or MOVE FORWARD. The stupid ones PLATEAU, the smart ones rise. You get your HEARTBROKEN and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look PATHETIC. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a DECISION. You wonder what in the hell is wrong with you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a CONTENDER! We are making a lot of MISTAKES, but helping one another LEARN from them. We will piss one another off, and laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a group that talks behind the backs of the same people we call to meet up with on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that we were just being insecure like they have been. What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to FIGURE this whole thing out. We are friends, and in 10 years we will be friends who have figured out where we fit in this world.


" We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give"
- Winston Churchill

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Delamu <茶马古道-德拉姆>



With films such as The Horse Thief, The Blue Kite and Springtime in a Small Town, Tian Zhuangzhuang established himself as a major filmmaker in the Fifth Generation. His new documentary deals with the Tea-Horse Road, one of the two traditional trade routes connecting China and Europe. While the Silk Road ran to the north, the Tea-Horse route went south traversing rugged mountain country from Yunnan province into Tibet. The film deals with a section of this spectacular trek which is still accessible only on horseback. It balances its strikingly beautiful landscapes with low-key interiors in which interviewees huddle over flickering fires as they discuss the religious and ethnic diversity of these regions, the best ways to understand horses, or what it feels like to be 104. Tian's vision is of a landscape rich in wonder and in the history of people who somehow endure there.

Reviews“The film not only documents a side of Chinese culture that is slowly but surely fading away, but visits people living a simple lifestyle that is a throwback to another age.”

Mark Deming, New York Times



历史深处的忧虑 田壮壮用影像歌咏茶马古道 2005/10/09
Source: Nanyang Siang Pau http://www.nanyang.com
文:解玺璋

田壮壮是个非常独特的电影导演,他的特立独行甚至使他完全区别于他的同学??那些呼风唤雨的中国第五代精英们。



当大家几乎毫无例外地转向商业电影的时候,他却用数年时间,穿越横断山脉,沿怒江而上,拍摄了纪录片《德拉姆》……

田壮壮是个非常独特的电影导演,他的特立独行甚至使他完全区别于他的同学??那些呼风唤雨的第五代精英们。就像当年大家都把目光集中于红色书写,他却把目光投向内蒙古草原一样。今天,在大家几乎毫无例外地转向商业电影的时候,他却用数年时间,穿越横断山脉,沿怒江而上,拍摄了纪录片《德拉姆》。



这是一次可以和历史上最重要的纪录片拍摄相媲美的壮举。尽管茶马古道沉淀了上千年的历史尘埃,它独特的地理环境,使得这里至今还保留着古朴而单纯的生活方式,但是,影片没有一般地停留在探寻某种古代文明的流行套路里,也并非是以猎奇的眼光,记录某种将要消失的文明奇观。事实上,田壮壮通过摄像机的取景框所看到的,是一些非常普通和平常的人以及他们的日常生活场景。他们的生活折射着遥远的历史之光,也构成了正在发生的现实的一部分。在摄制组的出发地丙中洛,他带我们走进了一个家庭,这是一个集中了15口人,说着6种语言的大家庭。一家人围坐在饭桌前,吃着饭,说起镇上发生的变化,认为政府的投资不应该先修许多厕所,而应该把路修好,才能吸引更多的旅游者到这里来。摄像机录下了他们日常生活中的这个片段,而它的意义,也许要在影片的最后一组镜头拍完之后才能显现出来。那个年轻的藏族女教师,她对外面世界的想像和憧憬,与最初的那个生活片段构成了一种对应关系,它提醒我们,当我们为茶马古道这一古老的文明形态正在迅速消失而惋惜的时候,不应该忘记,世世代代生活在这里的原住民以及终年行走在茶马古道上的马帮们,为它至今还保持着文化遗存的价值是付出了巨大代价的。他们中的有些人不想安于现状,希望通过“引进来”或“走出去”的方式而使生活有所改变,这种要求的正当性应该是无可置疑的。

最终关注的还是人

在这里,田壮壮的心情表现得相当复杂。作为一个来自现代都市的电影导演,他很难彻底摆脱观光者的身分,而以茶马古道为线索呈现出来的自然与人文景观,的确也显示了区别于现代城市文明的异质文化的独特性。这将部分地决定他作为记录者或叙述者的立场和态度。尤其是在当下,文化相对主义发现和肯定了异质文化的价值,却也将它置于被供奉、被欣赏、被研究的地位。人们所希望于这种文化的,是它永远保持固有的原生文化形态,而不被现代文明所同化。但是,在任何一种文化或文明形态中,人都是最重要也是最活跃的因素。人是任何一种文化或文明形态的承担者。所以,对文化或文明的关注,最终还是对人的关注。试想,如果没有了曾为信仰坐牢15年、现已84岁的牧师,没有了具有藏地赶马人传奇经历的老马锅头,没有走过3个世纪的百岁怒族老人,没有跑了老婆的村长,没有唱赞美诗的基督徒,没有年轻的藏族女教师,那么,茶马古道还能显现鲜活的生命迹象吗?实际上,恰恰由于田壮壮始终保持了他对人的关心、关爱与关怀,被他摄入镜头的人才散发出一种真实的生命气息,而不仅仅是现代城市人眼中没有体温的“他者”。于是,《德拉姆》也才能最终超越文化的限制,直接抵达真实的人生境遇。



我们已经习惯了从现代城市文明的角度发现和认识其他的文明形态,并赋予其一定的价值和意义,区别仅仅在于,一种意见是主张新的可以取代旧的,“进步”的现代城市文明迟早要取代“落后”的古代乡村文明;另一种意见则认为,旧的应该和新的并存,古代乡村文明可能是比现代城市文明更有价值的文明形态。尤其当我们从生态和环境的角度看待这个问题的时候,更希望“这个美丽神秘的地方长存下去”,而不要被现代文明所同化。这后一种意见,在当下中国的知识、文化界是很时髦也很主流的。这有些类似于西方汉学家在20世纪所做的寻找“他者”的工作。由于大量存在的社会问题,西方知识分子普遍感到了沮丧和绝望。这种时候,他们需要一个“他者”来发泄不满或寄托希望,于是,中国文明的价值就被创造出来了。香格里拉之所以成为现代城市人梦中的“天国”,正是现代城市人对其生活方式产生疑问并开始反思之后的结果。尽管我们不大可能因为香格里拉的圣洁而长久地逃离城市生活,我们也不会因为茶马古道的神奇和美好而放弃使用汽车和飞机,但这并不影响我们由衷地赞美它。



这种矛盾的态度源于我们认识上的悖论。而解开这个死结,则有待于叙述者立场和态度的转变。也就是说,叙述者不再是一个自我意识很强的主体,冷静地对被描述的客体进行解剖,而是有感情投入、有心灵碰撞、有思想交流与对话的参与者。这是釜底抽薪的一招,既然自我已经被放弃,那么,他者自然也就不存在了,保存下来的只有进入叙述者视野的人的生命信息。这正是我从《德拉姆》中真实地看到和真切地感受到的东西。作为一个导演,田壮壮不会满足于将拍摄对象作为静止的客体来对待,不会使自己的努力仅限于求证茶马古道的文化意义和价值,他的独特就在于,他怀着对这种文明形态的深厚感情,将镜头对准了具体的、活生生的人的生活。所以,《德拉姆》给予观众的,就不仅仅是一种猎奇、挽留或叹息,更多的还有承载着这种文明的人每天必须面对的真实境遇,以及这种古老文明所遭遇的严峻挑战。对此,叙述者表现出一种深深的忧虑,理想是美好的,现实是残酷的,如果我们世世代代生活于茶马古道,那么,面对现代文明的种种诱惑,我们又将如何选择?在这里,我看到了田壮壮特别温情的一面,也许是过于温情了一些,减弱了它的力量,但这种温情中所包含的对人的尊重,以及对芸芸众生的信任和理解,却使得《德拉姆》不仅获得了现实感,同时,也获得了历史深度。



有关田壮壮访问
http://www.nanyang.com/index.php?ch=15&pg=224&ac=541661

======

Authors note:

I have yet to watch it, but you can be sure when it is shown here I will go for it in no time. Can't blame me if I bought pDVD okay, because it is hard to get some of the good movies here sometimes.

好书推荐:《帕洛玛》

《帕洛玛》文/黄柏源/木马出版2004年11月出版 - Kinokuniya: RM27.52

序:我在学海周刊推荐之下买了这本书。 读过后感觉非常的棒! 一读之下便不能释手。在此也请大家有机会就去买本读读吧!



文/kieslowski

一本文学小说创作,在现今的出版市场中,如果不是媒体极力曝光,要被读者发现实在是极度困难的。如我辈者般被友人称做收集狂的爱买书者(只是爱买,疑为书籍血拼强迫症),面对像《帕洛玛》这样一本小说,恐怕也很难让人自百花齐放的新书平台上发现它的踪影。甚至把书拿起来翻看,觉得这是一本值得买回去的书,最后掏出钱包买回去。

翻开《帕洛玛》,一开始是廖炳惠和李?学两位对我而言很有吸引力的学者的序文,但对一般读者(就只是想看小说的读者)来说,这两位的推荐序文,带进了很多只有对小说主体性、小说叙事脉络等等议题有兴趣的读者会关心的讨论,恐怕是徒增非“文艺青年”式读者决定买不买书的障碍。

然而,这么一放下书,尽管读者还有其他各式各样、更有趣、更动人、更高深、更紧凑的小说作品可以选择,可读者们就此失去了观察一位有自觉的青年小说创作者弯身跃进小说创作竞技之河的跳水姿势,殊为可惜。在现今的台湾,愿意给初入门者机会的读者恐怕不多,每个人都不认为自己应该具有这种使命,这些使命不应该都是学者、官员来做的吗?一如读者身份转换为观众、听众面对台湾的电影、音乐状况时同样的麻木,反正我们似乎也不必在乎,反正都会有好莱坞的电影、欧美日的流行音乐以及大量涌进的各种翻译书籍。身为花钱选择文化商品的台湾读者是幸福的,因为可以选择的项目多到无法一一顾及,只要他不在意创作品是不是由自身土地上生活的人们所产出。

不但面对《帕洛玛》会有这样的感叹,在面对众多本土创作与读者间的落差时,也会有如此的感叹,而《帕洛玛》存在的本身,偏偏正是这种感叹的一种谐拟(parody)式存在。

如同所有书介和评论者第一个注意到的,《帕洛玛》使用了一种近似当前翻译小说会出现的语法???一种常被文坛前辈批评的非传统中文或是西化的句子???构成整部小说。对于这种语法,若不是先被强调出来,读者打开文本直接阅读,恐怕不容易察觉到有何异状,毕竟我们都太熟悉翻译小说的“语体”(如果算是一种语体的话),而且作者流畅的而保持观察距离的描写,让这种“语体”与情节进行得相得益彰。

大概也是这样的缘故,所以这些推荐的名家们莫不以此为异,因为以往以这种语体的书写只有被批评的份,但现在却出现这样一本小说,以原创小说的身份将此语体发挥得恰到好处。

根据作者自我“供称”,这样的写法并不是刻意,而是他尝试过多种写法,觉得保持这种不中不西的声腔(嗯,声腔)是目前最适合他的。这样的作法,当然是有意图,也是不得不然,因作者的“体质”和作品需要而异。黄柏源并不是初次这样尝试的作者,以往经常被讨论的就是黄国峻参加联合文学新人奖的作品《留白》,就被称为使用翻译语体来书写。当然,这也连带提出一个思考,不管是《帕洛玛》或《留白》,其内容所描述的都是西方人物、环境,是不是这样的环境与人物设定,让读者觉得其书写的中文比较像西方语法,或是不得不采取这样的语法来书写,一如黄柏源所称,他在意所写的句子是不是可以反向翻译成英文(但显然《帕洛玛》里的背景设定像是在意大利)。我们可以想象一下,如果《帕洛玛》用的是张大春写说书故事的语法来写,那会是什么样的光景?这样看来,似乎其“声腔”的存在,有不得不成立的理由。

提到张大春,容我们小小岔题一下。张大春的《小说稗类》中的《踩影子找影子???一则小说的腔调谱》中,就是讨论小说中的“腔调”问题,他还说“腔调???在一定程度上决定了意义。”

而我觉得必须要厘清的是,黄柏源在《帕洛玛》中所引人注目的翻译语体,到底是语体???有关句法,还是声腔???有关言说风格?张大春的文章里面,将腔调包容了作者观察并讲述事物的态度,他举出了白先勇和张爱玲在描写家庭摆饰时的观察角度不同;他将这一些都算到腔调的范畴里。若照此划分,黄柏源的作法,让我们看到仿佛如画面铺陈角度的描写,应该算是其腔调,是一种缓慢而温暖的腔调。

所以,这种所关注的翻译语体其实不关腔调的事,而是单纯的句法问题。甚至黄柏源自己所说的“声腔”,是更近似于语体而不是张大春所说的腔调。

连带地由“翻译语体”而来的是,小说中还呈现了当地人对于中国、东方异国情调的喜爱,在小说中不断出现中国香料、中国菜、中国诗。当然,以中文来说,“中国香料”这四个字读起来便很怪,但放到“翻译语体”里面来看,便显得非常有趣,以东方人设想西方人怀想的东方,很有东方主义的味道。尤有甚者,还用翻译语体呈现了《诗经》里的“执子之手,与子偕老”被移译成“牵你的手,与你一起活到老”,想象一下《诗经》被外国翻译过去,然后再依译文译回中文的样子,活脱是马勒《大地之歌》中的唐诗译文的模样,真是让读者的感受缠绕回旋而百般有趣。

除了“声腔”(或“语感”)之外,这本小说成功的地方还在于作者对视角的成功掌握(也就依稀是张大春所谓的“腔调”)。阅读这部小说,像是看到一个悠缓的推移的电影镜头,慢慢地轮流在五个主角身上着墨推演,不急不缓,悠然地把所有的一切交代出来。很像是五个人下围棋,五个人各据一方(当然没有这种下法,只是譬喻),每一方所占的领地越扩越大,我们也慢慢看清楚每个人的特色与身影。对于这种悠然的节奏,很少在现今的新生代小说作品中看见,不温不火,甚至连中生代的行家作品中也难得一见。

对这部小说,惟一不满的地方只有“硬件”部分。在书末,加上了张跃升和黄柏源的对话,谈论这本小说的创作,破坏掉整本书由本文、附件、跋这三者所创造出来的“伪翻译小说”这个有趣而完整的计谋,特别是那篇跋,真的是把读者唬得一愣一愣的,但却被这个对话所坏。本来读得很高兴、同时也半信半疑的读者,在看到最后的两位小说作者对话时,不免兴致大减,余韵全无。如果这本有趣的小说有幸再版,建议出版公司把这烂尾巴拿掉吧。

Friday, October 07, 2005

Enlightenment

I was having a meeting at the conference room downstair this morning, and there was someone ringing the bell from outside. My colleague opened the door for the delivery guy. He came in with a big bouquet of pink lilies. Everyone just stopped doing their things and look at this beautiful flowers.

At first I thought it was for me, from someone, perhaps Mark. The colleague then looked at receipient, pointed the delivery guy to upstair.

For a while, one or two second, I really did hope that it was for me. Althought I might not know how I would like to respond if I was the receipient, but it would be great to be flattered with such nice flowers.

Well, it was not for me, but for Ms. Wong from the account dept. She just got married last year, yet her husband seems every loving after being together a year by sending her those nice flowers.

I was a little disappointed, mixed by a somewhat jealous feeling. It was then I remember reading this little article from http://www.health24.com:

De-grudging yourself

The more carefully you remember every aspect of previous pains, the less you are able to notice present positives. The more busy you are with always keeping score, the less you are able to play, and win the game.

The more you allow yourself to continue to marinade in old grievances, the more you condemn yourself to stick in the old bad moods, and to miss opportunities to recognise the reasons for feeling better. The less energy you spend on revisiting the pains of the past, the more you have for creating a much more positive present and future.

Of course you feel reluctant to "give in". But letting go of past hurts isn't surrendering - indeed, hugging all the hurts of the past is surrendering to them, and allowing them to colour and shape your present and your future. Waiting for the person who hurt you to do some specific form of penance is a sterile occupation. Giving up your grudges isn't giving them a clean slate - it's giving it to yourself.


How true what this person have said. It seemed so "Zen" like, yet philosophical, but very true to my heart.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Shoulder Ache

Sign, it has made a come back. Damn this pain getting more and more painful

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Blood Donation

Usually I will be forced to donate about 0.5ul (read as microlitre, which in calculation is 1/1000 of a mL) of my blood to these blood suckers in the Taman Kiara Rimba in TTDI. Yeah, it is a nice place here for a morning walk, mostly uphill and and downhill. The creeks actually still have very clear water running in them!!!

Anyway, today I think I donated a little bit, about 2mL. Was walking walking walking, then out of nothing the left leg like no energy and there I fell, into an akward kneeling position. And there goes my knee, all badly scratch up. Later on blood seemed seeping out, and all the aunties walking pass say "Aiyoo!" and pitied my plight. My dad suggested me to use the leave to scrap away the blood coming down from the wound. Eeek!

Hai... very painful neh...