Friday, October 07, 2005


I was having a meeting at the conference room downstair this morning, and there was someone ringing the bell from outside. My colleague opened the door for the delivery guy. He came in with a big bouquet of pink lilies. Everyone just stopped doing their things and look at this beautiful flowers.

At first I thought it was for me, from someone, perhaps Mark. The colleague then looked at receipient, pointed the delivery guy to upstair.

For a while, one or two second, I really did hope that it was for me. Althought I might not know how I would like to respond if I was the receipient, but it would be great to be flattered with such nice flowers.

Well, it was not for me, but for Ms. Wong from the account dept. She just got married last year, yet her husband seems every loving after being together a year by sending her those nice flowers.

I was a little disappointed, mixed by a somewhat jealous feeling. It was then I remember reading this little article from

De-grudging yourself

The more carefully you remember every aspect of previous pains, the less you are able to notice present positives. The more busy you are with always keeping score, the less you are able to play, and win the game.

The more you allow yourself to continue to marinade in old grievances, the more you condemn yourself to stick in the old bad moods, and to miss opportunities to recognise the reasons for feeling better. The less energy you spend on revisiting the pains of the past, the more you have for creating a much more positive present and future.

Of course you feel reluctant to "give in". But letting go of past hurts isn't surrendering - indeed, hugging all the hurts of the past is surrendering to them, and allowing them to colour and shape your present and your future. Waiting for the person who hurt you to do some specific form of penance is a sterile occupation. Giving up your grudges isn't giving them a clean slate - it's giving it to yourself.

How true what this person have said. It seemed so "Zen" like, yet philosophical, but very true to my heart.

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